Bachke Rehna Ae Haseeno

After spending 3 hours watching Bachna Ae Haseeno, I had to look for reasons why I watched it.

Guys – 3 heroines for the price of one.
Girls – Ranbir Kapoor. Period.

Concept – Casanova v/s Commitment.

Screenplay – Same staid formula from the Yash Raj stables. Stunning scenery + Chocolaty romance+ Hummable music + Heroines dancing in the snow in chiffon clothes and not a hair out of place+ Heroes with pink lip gloss + Live happily ever after ending.

Cast– Highly manicured Ranbir, is a Microsoft engineer who makes geeky gaming software. You wish the real life ones are half as hunky. Pretty Deepika Padukone looks like a lamp post in her 6 inch heels as a B-schooler cum cab driver cum grocery store salesgirl. Bipasha Basu fits perfectly into the bitchy small town girl who avenges to become a top model. Minisha Lamba is the cute girl next door and was so affected by the cold that she looked like Rudolf the red nosed reindeer on the sledges of the ski slopes. Turban and kurta clad, Kunal Kapoor is wasted in his role of Mahi’s jealous husband.

Humour – You might have to tickle yourself or you might just buckle into a nap. The loudest I laughed was when I overheard a bunch of presumptuous cool dudes discussing seriously what a downright practical movie it was!

Music – Nice. Vishal and Shekhar have created magic with Khuda Jaane. Shot on the gondolas of Venice it is a soulful and intense song, though looks out of place in the prevailing scheme of things.

Locales- If not for the songs you might think you are watching Travel Discovery. Gives you a free trip to Australia, Italy, Switzerland and Greece. However after DDLJ and Dil Chahta Hain you are gripped with such a wave of nostalgia that you begin to start identifying with some of the places.

The Story Line -
Like they say behind every successful man there is a woman and behind every unsuccessful man there are two. So what happens when there are three?

The protagonist Raj has commitment phobia. He cannot live without women and cannot live with them either. His life is like a sinful triple sundae with sweet Mahi, sexy Radhika and sensible Gayathri.

18 year old Mahi is infatuated with Raj in a Eurail trip after recreating the DDLJ story. She is on a Europe trip with parents and friends and bumps into Raj all the while day dreaming about her romantic Raj of the DDLJ fame. She misses the train and he rescues her. Meanwhile he writes silly poetry, deliberately breaks down his bike and does a song dance sequence for her.

It’s all perfect until Raj tells the story adding masala in generous helpings to his friends. Mahi’s Swaroski crystal heart shatters into a million pieces. She does an about turn and runs back to her parents.

Six years later, Raj is setting up his house in Mumbai and screams his lungs out shouting at his most irritating neighbour who plays blaring music at 10 in the morning. He is tongue tied when he sees the sultry Radhika. Cupid had to strike and they quite literally hammer down the wall between them.

Problem arises when Raj is transferred to Sydney and he does not want to carry extra baggage in the form of Radhika. All his plans to dump her fail comically. Finally he lets her drench in the rain on the steps of the Marriage Registrar's office while he is soaking in the champagne and toasting his new life of freedom on his flight to Sydney.

Raj is introduced to Gayatri when she smirks at the fastest hook up and break up she has seen, in chaste Hindi. Our hero whose dil is phir bhi Hindustani is all excited to see a Made In India product. So he does his chance pe dance – uses her professional services, invites her to official parties, sings a dream sequence, lights a thousand candles and finally proposes to her only to find out that she does not want to marry him because he may not allow her to drive a cab or work in a grocery store after marriage.

Now after 2 hours of boredom, Raj finally turns over a new leaf overnight. Guilt grips him all over like a giant ogre. He sobs, abandons his job and pushes off to India to undo the damage he has done to the 2 girls in his life. Raj desperately needs to do clean up job of his conscience and the girls are forced to forgive him. From dancing in weddings to being a Personal Assistant to a ridiculously strict self obsessed super model, Raj does 6 months of salvaging his sins.

Back in Sydney a pleasant surprise awaits him. Gayatri has flooded his house with one love letter every single day. She also realizes her mistake and decides to take the jump.

Moral of the Story –True love means commitment.

I believe that a good movie either makes you laugh, cry or think. This one did neither.

Might consider being a film critic as career plan B.